"when women wear makeup theyre lying to men!1!”
idk man i don’t think anyone’s trying to convince you they actually have green eyelids
Me: Just go on to our website and select the “My Account” button.
Client: I don’t see it.
Me: It’s on the black banner, in the top right corner
Client: I’m looking, I don’t see it!
Me: Can you please go to the website?
Client: No, I’m not at my computer
"A coworker asked for my number the other day. My friends overheard and said: ‘He must have a thing for Indians.’ I was like, ‘Or maybe I’m just really fucking cool.’"
"HELLO INFANT I AM BELUGA WHALE"
"YOU ALSO ARE BALD AND HAVE A BULBOUS FOREHEAD. LET US BE FRIENDS FORTHWITH."
She’s too small to get on the couch by herself so she does this when she wants up
When I was
In the third grade
Someone Doesn’t Want to go to the Christmas Party
Instead of whispered, consider:
- said in an undertone
- said low
- said into someone’s ear
- said softly
- said under one’s breath
- said in hushed tones
aye lil mama let me insinuate in ya ear
Me as an old woman.